Food on my thoughts.

Hello:)

So for a good few months now food and the prospect of eating has...well taken over my life. 

I cannot pick up a food and eat it without a long process of thoughts of how many calories are in this piece of food and if it will make me fat from eating it and so I have my foods that I know are safe and well I don't eat anything but those foods. 

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, no guilt. Now I can barely pick up a piece of fruit without feeling guilty after it and quite frankly it's shit. 

I'm stuck in a never ending circle of wanting to eat pizza and cake like every other human being my age but not wanting to be fat and feel like a failure. 

As sad as it may make my life seem the feeling of hunger and refusing pizza or cake etc. actually gives me a sense of achievement....saying that (well typing it) actually highlights how sad that is and how bad this situation has gotten 

Sure I get the "just eat more" thing a lot but people don't really understand how impossible that is for me and for a lot of other people I guess as well. 

I ate 700-800 calories a day....that's half of what I should do I have no energy for anything even to feel happy and I am fully aware of all the health risks and how that is for me and how it will slow down my metabolism and only make things worse...but I cannot help it, it's a constant mental battle for me. 

I am sorry if you've come across this post and it's made you sad but I guess I needed to let my inner brain contents out onto a page 

If you have any advice then that would be really appreciated because honestly my life is just a misery right now 

I am not officially diagnosed with any eating disorder if anyone was wondering,

Thank you for reading if you did.

B x

Photo credit weheartit.com

Making Acquaintances

Hello :)
There are minimal things to say about me I just wanted to introduce myself to anyone who was wondering around the internet and happened to come across this blog.

I am of the awkward age of 17, the in-between stage of still being a teenager and becoming an adult and I am a girl....if you were wondering. 

I enjoy documenting my thoughts on things and writing and so I figured I should start writing on a blog whether anyone reads it or not is down to everyone else but I guess it will be a therapeutic (and safe way) of getting out the contents of my brain onto a page
I can't specifically tell you what this blog will be centred around because no ones life is centred around one soul thing and I can't tell you how often posts will go up either because I'm not sure when I will fancy writing

If you're still here then thank you for reading this I do appreciate it and perhaps I will see you again sometime :)

(Photo credit from weheartit.com)