So a lot of my previous posts have been focused around anorexia and what it is like and the stigma surrounding the illness but I've realised I haven't written about recovery from anorexia. I know before I decided to enter recovery I didn't know what to expect and wanted to know what it was really like from a patients perspective. So in this post I am going to write about what my own personal recovery is like, how to enter into recovery for anorexia and what you can expect from recovery.
*I'd like to say I am based in the UK and so my knowledge about anorexia recovery can only really apply to the UK, also every institution has different ways in treating this illness this is just my own experience*
My Personal RecoveryMy recovery from anorexia began in September 2014. I go to a specialised hospital for the eating disorders and I am in the outpatient programme (meaning I don't stay at the hospital). They began my treatment by assessing me by basically asking me questions about my disorder such as:
-do I take any laxatives?
-do I purge?
-do I have fear foods?
-how many calories do I eat a day?
-what is my perception of myself?
They then took me into the medical room and took my weight and calculated my BMI, and did an all over body check. They sent to take 4 blood tests (over the course of the week) and an ECG scan (which checks your heart rate). At the end of the assessment they gave me the diagnosis of 'anorexia nervosa restrictive type' and gave me a beginner meal plan.
A meal plan is basically a plan of meals and snacks that you have to eat each day, it says the types of food that you can have at each snack/meal and the serving size. It's calculated to make sure you put weight on at a steady but safe rate and your body is getting all the nutrients its needs after being denied it for so long. The majority of eating disorder units put you on a low meal plan initially, because after months of starvation it's extremely bad and dangerous for you to begin to eat normal portions of food straight away. When I ate the food on this meal plan I felt like my stomach was going to split open where I was so full where I hadn't eaten for months. Once my body had adapted I was put onto a regular meal plan with much bigger portions meant for me to put on weight.
As for the therapy I see an eating disorder specialist every week to talk about my thoughts and she helps me put things to perspective for me and realise that being thin and not eating isn't a good thing, it is fatal. I also get weighed every week to track my progress.
(Above) portion size for dinner on starter meal plan
(Above) Portion size for dinner on regular meal plan
How to enter recovery
The best thing to do if you want or need to get help for anorexia is to honestly tell your parent or guardian, it will make things a lot easier for you especially when you're under the age of 18 as you can access all the best help through parental permission.
Going to your G.P is probably the best way to get help directly as they will have access to the best treatments in your area and will put you forward to be on the waiting list to be seen and assessed. The waiting lists for NHS treatment centres are long unfortunately (I waited 4 months).
Private treatment is similar to the treatment you can access through the NHS except there is no waiting list and you have to pay.
Be Prepared.
Anorexia recovery (like all recoveries) is extremely hard. When you begin to eat your meal plans your anorexia will scream so loudly it will be almost impossible to ignore it. You will feel so huge and you will be bloated and so full. But the bloating will fade in time as will the feeling so full because your body will adapt. Your eating disorder will tell you not to trust the treatment because they will make you fat. You will have days where the eating disorder goes and you follow your meal plan perfectly with little guilt. There will be days or weeks where your eating disorder will flare up and make you want to restrict/purge, I have hidden my foods on my meal plans for weeks, but you realise that will get you no where.
I've realised that hiding food will get me nowhere and this meal plan is the best possible thing for me. If I restrict I am feeding my eating disorder and nothing else. I have accepted that putting on weight is the best thing for me to get back my period, and my hair and my movement and energy and just my life. And you will realise that too
If you are in any doubt about whether recovery is worth it. It is.
It's scary and it's horrendous at times. I've hated myself and felt fatter then ever but I can stand up without blacking out, I have energy to laugh, to walk, I'm not cold all the time. If you do not eat you're feeding your eating disorder and the misery you feel with this illness will just get worse. My eating disorder made me love being thin but nowhere near as much as I love recovery and my recovery life. Below are some useful websites for you if you need or are interested in anorexia recovery
remember that eating is a requirement to survive and you have every right to eat
be strong
thank you so much for reading
B x
Recovering from anorexia and bulimia
National centre for eating disorder recovery
NHS-Anorexia Nervosa
