Recovery from Anorexia.

Hello :)
So a lot of my previous posts have been focused around anorexia and what it is like and the stigma surrounding the illness but I've realised I haven't written about recovery from anorexia. I know before I decided to enter recovery I didn't know what to expect and wanted to know what it was really like from a patients perspective. So in this post I am going to write about what my own personal recovery is like, how to enter into recovery for anorexia and what you can expect from recovery.
*I'd like to say I am based in the UK and so my knowledge about anorexia recovery can only really apply to the UK, also every institution has different ways in treating this illness this is just my own experience*

My Personal RecoveryMy recovery from anorexia began in September 2014. I go to a specialised hospital for the eating disorders and I am in the outpatient programme (meaning I don't stay at the hospital). They began my treatment by assessing me by basically asking me questions about my disorder such as:
-do I take any laxatives?
-do I purge?
-do I have fear foods?
-how many calories do I eat a day?
-what is my perception of myself?
They then took me into the medical room and took my weight and calculated my BMI, and did an all over body check. They sent to take 4 blood tests (over the course of the week) and an ECG scan (which checks your heart rate). At the end of the assessment they gave me the diagnosis of 'anorexia nervosa restrictive type' and gave me a beginner meal plan.
A meal plan is basically a plan of meals and snacks that you have to eat each day, it says the types of food that you can have at each snack/meal and the serving size. It's calculated to make sure you put weight on at a steady but safe rate and your body is getting all the nutrients its needs after being denied it for so long. The majority of eating disorder units put you on a low meal plan initially, because after months of starvation it's extremely bad and dangerous for you to begin to eat normal portions of food straight away. When I ate the food on this meal plan I felt like my stomach was going to split open where I was so full where I hadn't eaten for months. Once my body had adapted I was put onto a regular meal plan with much bigger portions meant for me to put on weight.
As for the therapy I see an eating disorder specialist every week to talk about my thoughts and she helps me put things to perspective for me and realise that being thin and not eating isn't a good thing, it is fatal. I also get weighed every week to track my progress.

(Above) portion size for dinner on starter meal plan

(Above) Portion size for dinner on regular meal plan

How to enter recovery
The best thing to do if you want or need to get help for anorexia is to honestly tell your parent or guardian, it will make things a lot easier for you especially when you're under the age of 18 as you can access all the best help through parental permission.
Going to your G.P is probably the best way to get help directly as they will have access to the best treatments in your area and will put you forward to be on the waiting list to be seen and assessed. The waiting lists for NHS treatment centres are long unfortunately (I waited 4 months).
Private treatment is similar to the treatment you can access through the NHS except there is no waiting list and you have to pay.

Be Prepared.
Anorexia recovery (like all recoveries) is extremely hard. When you begin to eat your meal plans your anorexia will scream so loudly it will be almost impossible to ignore it. You will feel so huge and you will be bloated and so full. But the bloating will fade in time as will the feeling so full because your body will adapt. Your eating disorder will tell you not to trust the treatment because they will make you fat. You will have days where the eating disorder goes and you follow your meal plan perfectly with little guilt. There will be days or weeks where your eating disorder will flare up and make you want to restrict/purge, I have hidden my foods on my meal plans for weeks, but you realise that will get you no where.
I've realised that hiding food will get me nowhere and this meal plan is the best possible thing for me. If I restrict I am feeding my eating disorder and nothing else. I have accepted that putting on weight is the best thing for me to get back my period, and my hair and my movement and energy and just my life. And you will realise that too

If you are in any doubt about whether recovery is worth it. It is.
It's scary and it's horrendous at times. I've hated myself and felt fatter then ever but I can stand up without blacking out, I have energy to laugh, to walk, I'm not cold all the time. If you do not eat you're feeding your eating disorder and the misery you feel with this illness will just get worse. My eating disorder made me love being thin but nowhere near as much as I love recovery and my recovery life. Below are some useful websites for you if you need or are interested in anorexia recovery
remember that eating is a requirement to survive and you have every right to eat
be strong
thank you so much for reading
B x
Recovering from anorexia and bulimia
National centre for eating disorder recovery
NHS-Anorexia Nervosa

My Favorite Books-2014

 Hello there :)

So I thought I'd bring you a slightly different post to my usual mental health posts on this grey Sunday. I've really gotten into watching 'Book Favourites' videos on YouTube and got inspired to do my own version on my blog.

I've always been a bit of a book worm since I was little and so I read a lot, but I've managed to narrow my favourite books of 2014 (so far) to just 5 for you, however I couldn't put them in preference order it was just too hard!  

Divergent by Veronica Roth
So I am sure the majority of you have either read this, watched it or heard about it. I have read on three books in this series and honestly loved them all, however Divergent (the first in the trilogy) has to be my favourite. For those of you who don't know the story is set in an alternate world and follows a female protagonist by the name of Tris. I think the reason I loved this book so much is the world Roth created really captured me, it was exciting and followed a female who wasn't the stereotypical weak and clumsy type. It captured romance also but not in the cringe, cliché way and I couldn't put it down (I read it in two days).

The Fault in our Stars-John Green
I feel like there will be a simultaneous groan when people see this as this is all everyone has seemed to speaking about in terms of books for like the past 2 years, and I tried not to include it because it was just so typical but I couldn't not. I fell in love with the characters of this book, it was the most beautiful love story I have ever read and the words in it gave me goose bumps. I, like the rest of the world sobbed at this book, and any book that can give me goose bumps, makes me laugh and then sob is an amazing book in my world and so it needed to be in this post. If you haven't read this book then do it is better then the movie and makes you appreciate a lot.


The Perks of Being a Wallflower-Stephen Clibosky
Yes I am a little late with this one. This was an extremely hyped up book a few years ago but I have only just got around to reading it this year. This book is simply beautiful. I have very few words to say about this except it is honestly the most humbling and relatable story I have come across.

Catching Fire-Suzanne Collins
Yes this is a very well known book also. For those of you who don't know Catching Fire is the second book in The Hunger Games trilogy. I adored the series but when it came to picking my favourite this won by a landslide. This book introduces new characters like I literally love and grew very attached to, and the setting and storyline in this book had so many twists and so well written that I couldn't put it down. The romance element like divergent wasn't cringe in fact in some places it was beautiful and heart warming.

Gone Girl-Gillian Flynn
Okay so I will admit that without the release of the film recently I would have never of heard or read this book. But oh my goodness this book is unreal. If this list was in order this book would easily be at number one. The plot twists are mind blowing and every chapter leaves you thinking 'Oh my god!'. The character development is perfection and the female protagonist is probably my favourite main character of any book I have ever read. I couldn't put this book down and anyone who is looking for an intense crime to read then go and buy this and anyone who enjoys programmes such as Criminal Minds and CSI you will love this!

 

Okay so these are my favourite reads of the year so far. I really had fun making this post and so you will probably see more like this in weeks to come.
Comment below any book recommendations you have for me because I am always stuck on what to read next

Thank you so much for reading
B x

'If flowers can bloom after Winter passes, then so can you'

Hello :)
*warning this blog post may be one big ramble of nonsense*

The title of this blog post comes from probably my favourite quote at the moment, (I'm a bit of a quote whore so I switch which ones my favourite a lot but this one is definitely number one).
This quote can be applied to so many situations like most quotes can, the 'Winter' this quote refers to can mean so many different things to different people, it could be a down patch in someone's life due to grades, a death of a loved one etc.

To add a personal note to this post I'd thought I should explain what this quote means to me and why it's so special...
I have suffered with a lot of mental health problems throughout my life, last year (2013) I suffered from deep depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts and I got put into therapy for a long time, but recovered.
But most recently and I guess why this quote is so special to me right now is that I have been diagnosed with anorexia and I'm trying to recover and like all those who face recovery and I have good days where I feel motivated and positive but more bad days where I don't see myself as strong enough to get better....and this is where the quote comes in.
It reminds me that all things get better, no matter how long Winter is I will always get better at the end of it and I just need to keep going and teach myself to be better, because in reality no one else can do it for me.

And so do you, if you're facing trouble, be it something like me or someone close has died or you just feel sad, things get better, they always get better, you just need to stay strong and teach yourself how to be happy again by simply doing the things you love and stopping the things you don't, because if flowers can bloom after a snowstorm then so can you

Thank you for reading
B x